Lay it down and start up

Having a BATNA is key to negotiations, so I learned in class last week. I also feel this is key to life. When I have a ‘Best Alternative to Negotiated Agreement’ there is a sense of calm that comes over me. I know what can happen if this all doesn’t work out the way I expected it to. I know what my alternatives are. This has given me some sense of stability today. I feel, as per usual at the end of a ‘semester’ that my world is hectically spinning around me and that if I don’t get everything under control, make it perfect, my tiny world may just cease to exist. On my way to my car an hour ago, running in frye boots in the rain, I stopped. My hair getting soaked through, my jeans already sticking to my legs. I was frozen. What if all the things I was so worried about didn’t work out? What if projects lay incomplete or complete but imperfect? What if friendships and  everything in my social life didn’t pan out the way I sometimes cling to? What then? The list rolled on through my head and suddenly I felt no need to rush. Just to wait. There is no point in worrying. Simply I must make a decision and stick to my guns. The worst that can happen isn’t that bad. My alternate options are actually looking pretty good. So why do I worry? Why do any of us stress about things we can only hope our best to even have a semblance of control over? I used to think it helped to try to cast my net wide and keep all I caught as close as possible. I used to think that trying to worry about the outcome while staying blind to other possibilities was the only way to get by. Now it is so clear. It is all the other opportunities that I saw as plan b. It is hard not to get attached. I still do. All the time. It is hard not to cling to what I think I want but sometimes, just sometimes, when it doesn’t all work out as planned, that is when the best things happen. That is when we get what we need.