Holy smokes! Looks like writing = reading, thanks team for the little shot of love!
So to me feedback you hear once should be always taken with at least a grain of salt. Feedback you get repeatedly from a variety of sources probably holds a little more weight. When it comes from people who care about you... maybe take that a little more seriously. This has been my last few weeks. At first (until a few hours ago...ok less than that) I took it pretty hard. The last thing I want is for people to notice something is wrong, even worse is for them to worry. I guess I seem to fool myself into thinking I am good at covering up all the cracks and looking shiny on the outside but that facade can be hard to hold up and from time to time people see the gross, insecure, scared, or sad parts we all try to gloss over with bright smiles, quick laughter or what ever else seems to work at the time. I'm not going to lie, the last two years have been ones of constant change, big change. They encompass many of my highest highs and a few of my lowest lows. I've been the best version of myself and the worst. I feel it in my bones though that the time for change is not over and I have two options, rise and take advantage of all that this great world has to offer me or, slip into what has held me back in the past. It is evident to those who know me best that I am struggling with this. It is good though for me to recognize that I can't hide it and that I have to take steps, ask for help, and play the bigger game.
So thank you kind friends and family for not letting me get away with shit. Thank you to holding me to something far greater than mediocrity and for challenging to strive for something far more than what I often expect of myself. I am sorry for being snappy or defensive when you offer suggestions or ask me to step up. But at the end of the day isn't that what everyone really wants? A moment or so to let go of the mask and to allow yourself to be known to others, fears and vulnerability included? As much as I live in dread that this will result in a very lonesome existence it always tends to work the opposite way, it seems that almost every time these sorts of conversations just turn into a deeper friendship, a greater bond. I think what I am trying to say is that I am really grateful. I am grateful that my friends and family have the courage and or good sense to help me when I am far too stubborn to ask.
So to me feedback you hear once should be always taken with at least a grain of salt. Feedback you get repeatedly from a variety of sources probably holds a little more weight. When it comes from people who care about you... maybe take that a little more seriously. This has been my last few weeks. At first (until a few hours ago...ok less than that) I took it pretty hard. The last thing I want is for people to notice something is wrong, even worse is for them to worry. I guess I seem to fool myself into thinking I am good at covering up all the cracks and looking shiny on the outside but that facade can be hard to hold up and from time to time people see the gross, insecure, scared, or sad parts we all try to gloss over with bright smiles, quick laughter or what ever else seems to work at the time. I'm not going to lie, the last two years have been ones of constant change, big change. They encompass many of my highest highs and a few of my lowest lows. I've been the best version of myself and the worst. I feel it in my bones though that the time for change is not over and I have two options, rise and take advantage of all that this great world has to offer me or, slip into what has held me back in the past. It is evident to those who know me best that I am struggling with this. It is good though for me to recognize that I can't hide it and that I have to take steps, ask for help, and play the bigger game.
So thank you kind friends and family for not letting me get away with shit. Thank you to holding me to something far greater than mediocrity and for challenging to strive for something far more than what I often expect of myself. I am sorry for being snappy or defensive when you offer suggestions or ask me to step up. But at the end of the day isn't that what everyone really wants? A moment or so to let go of the mask and to allow yourself to be known to others, fears and vulnerability included? As much as I live in dread that this will result in a very lonesome existence it always tends to work the opposite way, it seems that almost every time these sorts of conversations just turn into a deeper friendship, a greater bond. I think what I am trying to say is that I am really grateful. I am grateful that my friends and family have the courage and or good sense to help me when I am far too stubborn to ask.
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