To The Hunt.

I shy away from using the word authenticity more than than I absolutely have to. Like any word that is heard too many times in a day it loses meaning or that meaning shifts to something other than what it was intended to be. I went through a period when the word authenticity was used as a battering ram for another agenda and so to me it can still seem abrasive and laking genuineness. All this being said at the heart of it, authenticity is being yourself, letting go of your ego and having the courage to be imperfect and vulnerable. I find that this gives me strength. Job hunting is the perfect test of checking my ego. I easily get caught up in trying to look or sound like the role spec, my brain fluctuates between overestimating my worth and underestimating my value, it has been a little hard on my little heart. The thing is one of my greatest strengths is fortitude. I tend to fight hardest, grow the most when I'm backed into a corner or the small stuff is just too much to sweat anymore and all that is left are the big things. Being challenged gets my blood racing and my mind excited. It strips away all the bullshit and all that is left is what happened, no ego, imperfect, vulnerable, and authentic.

So why this now? Well it's becoming a trend. The situations (read: interviews, meetings, presentations, life events) in which I have given myself no other option than to be myself, the version who is full of fortitude and not full of crap are the ones I have enjoyed the most and have given me the widest glimpses of who I am becoming. These are the moments where there are only two options, to fight, perform, and not be someone/something else or to fail.

This is all something I have to remind myself of these days. To let go of what I think others want and to just be who I am. I can't change what is in my past and I am proud of my accomplishments and skills. I may not be an excel or software wizard (YET!) and I can't alter the fact that I am only 27 but I can remember why I am here and that each interview, each resume, each meeting will not be the last and that if they don't think I am fit for a role or an organization then I am probably not and neither of us would be happy. I respect those doing the hiring enough to know that it is not personal. Well it kind of is but not in an offensive way. Long story short (sorry I had to give the long version first...) many of the people I love are going through some version of this right now and it sucks and it is hard but we all need to focus a little more on our greatness and seek out those opportunities that we may not be told are befitting of all our "MBA Glory" (this is not a real thing by the way, we just had more fun than everyone else for a year and a half). Hustle. Lose the ego. Pursue what you really want.

Back to the hunt.