I have been writing and re-writing this all day. Boredom, gluten based anxiety and a variety of worthy distractions have allowed me to get here now, it's quarter to ten and I just finished what I feel must be completed for the evening.
I have been forced to face a number of options lately, ones we all face on daily basis. Evaluating them has been a process both challenging and enlightening.
Here are some options:
1) Watch the game from the stands, bleachers, or sidelines. A bit of a rush sometimes but no real accomplishment.
2) Play small. In the game but holding back, missing something.
3) Play full on, all out, play big....
Now some of these options take more energy, they're harder to win, the risk and reward are more significant. Others take less work, less persistence, they are easier to stay safe in, those ones provide less as well.
It is easy to see this as a case of what you put in is what you get out of something. I agree wholeheartedly. I have been known to play small from time to time, it works when the game is small, when you are a big fish in a small pond. When the process and results are of little consequence. Right now I can say with the upmost certanintly that I am playing big and the payoffs are worth never changing that.
I am someone who thrives off challenge. I like to feel alive, I like to feel gratitude at small victories, at the tiny extraordinary beauties in a day. Lately I have been so consumed with school and the resulting friendships that I have all but forgotten the insignificant trials that used to consume so many of my thoughts.
When I was playing small everything seemed a harder, I added meaning like it was my job, now, not so much.
A good friend sat next to me yesterday afternoon. She started off telling me that normally, when things got hectic it was evident in everything I did. I get frantic, anxious, easily swayed to inauthentic emotions. I feared her words would continue to let me know that this is what she saw in me then, a little hung over, at school trying to get some work finished before running a multitude of errands. To my pleasant surprise she told me otherwise. She let me know that I had the sense of calm about me. In my mind it's that eye of the storm idea. This is what I'm like when I play full on. I don't have time to try to look good, to worry about what others think of me. It's not worth it anymore to change for someone else. All you can do is develop and learn and hope that these things will be valued and rewarded.
So the risks are big. You never know what will happen when you are transparent, authentic, your true self, but I can say that it is far more likely to stumble upon greatness this way then hiding on the sidelines.
I have been forced to face a number of options lately, ones we all face on daily basis. Evaluating them has been a process both challenging and enlightening.
Here are some options:
1) Watch the game from the stands, bleachers, or sidelines. A bit of a rush sometimes but no real accomplishment.
2) Play small. In the game but holding back, missing something.
3) Play full on, all out, play big....
Now some of these options take more energy, they're harder to win, the risk and reward are more significant. Others take less work, less persistence, they are easier to stay safe in, those ones provide less as well.
It is easy to see this as a case of what you put in is what you get out of something. I agree wholeheartedly. I have been known to play small from time to time, it works when the game is small, when you are a big fish in a small pond. When the process and results are of little consequence. Right now I can say with the upmost certanintly that I am playing big and the payoffs are worth never changing that.
I am someone who thrives off challenge. I like to feel alive, I like to feel gratitude at small victories, at the tiny extraordinary beauties in a day. Lately I have been so consumed with school and the resulting friendships that I have all but forgotten the insignificant trials that used to consume so many of my thoughts.
When I was playing small everything seemed a harder, I added meaning like it was my job, now, not so much.
A good friend sat next to me yesterday afternoon. She started off telling me that normally, when things got hectic it was evident in everything I did. I get frantic, anxious, easily swayed to inauthentic emotions. I feared her words would continue to let me know that this is what she saw in me then, a little hung over, at school trying to get some work finished before running a multitude of errands. To my pleasant surprise she told me otherwise. She let me know that I had the sense of calm about me. In my mind it's that eye of the storm idea. This is what I'm like when I play full on. I don't have time to try to look good, to worry about what others think of me. It's not worth it anymore to change for someone else. All you can do is develop and learn and hope that these things will be valued and rewarded.
So the risks are big. You never know what will happen when you are transparent, authentic, your true self, but I can say that it is far more likely to stumble upon greatness this way then hiding on the sidelines.
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