Strolling along the edge of the sea, a man catches sight of a young woman who appears to be engaged in a ritual dance. She stoops down, and then straightens to her full height, casting her arm out in an arc. Drawing closer, he sees that the beach around her is littered with starfish, and she is throwing them one by one into the sea. He lightly mocks her: “There are stranded starfish as far as the eye can see, for miles up the beach. What difference can saving a few of them possibly make?” Smiling, she bends down and once more tosses a starfish out over the water, saying serenely, “It certainly makes a difference to this one.”
—Rosamund Stone Zander and Benjamin Zander,
The Art of Possibility (2000)
This is how my day started. The way so many staff trainings, goal coachings, camp chapel talks and campfires had started years past. A story that brought tears to my eyes sitting in a room with 111 other MBA Candidates. Tears that I was way to concerned with hiding so that no one could see, no one would think I was weak, no one would think I was soft. Surprisingly enough a day that started with talk of openness, possibility and contributing to others turned out to be my biggest ego battle yet. A good friend once told me, while life coaching the crap out of me, pushing through my thick walls to start a very necessary breakdown, that when things change all our defence mechanisms, our 'strong suits' and 'acts' as Landmark would call them, rise up. Today this was me in full force.
My greatest joy in life is to connect with others, inspire them, motivate them to greatness and support them along the way. My goal in life is to always be the coach, helping the game be played better and better. Today I pretty much threw those ideas out, those integral core values, and focussed on my obsession with looking good. Now I know you might all be thinking "What does she mean? Did she take a hair straightener and eyelash extensions to school? Did she wear the newest designers? Has she been fake tanning again?" The answer is no, and somedays I wish I had that time and energy. It is a different kind of looking good that I am referring to. The kind that looks like acting in different and inauthentic ways to make people like you, encourage them to have a different perspective of you than might be real. When I am put into new and stressful situations I default to humour and a little shock value. Instead of connecting I tease. Instead of listening and being patient I frantically worry about trying to seem less vulnerable, to avoid showing weakness in any way. Today was a case in point. I spent much of last night and a good part of today stressing about having to do a high ropes course, something I avoided with great skill as a camp counsellor. As much as I tried to focus on everything else I just couldn't get it out my head. I freeze when faced with heights. It is totally illogical and no matter what else I can talk myself through, skiing off cliffs, clinging to the back of a motorcycle, moving and changing place time after time heights still get me. Make my knees lock. Make me freeze.
To make matters worse my freezing wasn't just embarrassing or scary, it added another whole dimension. I was acutely aware at what everyone else was thinking. Would this impact who would want to work with me in groups? Would they simply see me as a scared little girl? Could I be a leader if I couldn't even get off a ladder? Totally irrational. A better version of me would have let it go. A better version would have understood that it was one moment and that at the end of the day it mattered less than I could have imagined but I am tired and I am unsure and I don't know what to expect and so that best version of me decided to spend the day in bed and I got the now version. The real version. And so the lessons are greater as they always are when they are harder. Those of us who may not realize it likely have egos too. I know mine gets right up in my grill any chance it has. At the end of the day it is remembering that all we have is what we can be for others. Tomorrow is a new day, thank god, and all I have, all we have, is to let go of the fear and insecurity and all that looking good and simply be. Ask those best versions of ourselves to come join us and be the now versions we require.
And the starfish, the starfish that started my day off so right. Had that been what I held onto. Had that been what I let fill my day oh what possibilities could have been created. Well, on to tomorrow.
—Rosamund Stone Zander and Benjamin Zander,
The Art of Possibility (2000)
This is how my day started. The way so many staff trainings, goal coachings, camp chapel talks and campfires had started years past. A story that brought tears to my eyes sitting in a room with 111 other MBA Candidates. Tears that I was way to concerned with hiding so that no one could see, no one would think I was weak, no one would think I was soft. Surprisingly enough a day that started with talk of openness, possibility and contributing to others turned out to be my biggest ego battle yet. A good friend once told me, while life coaching the crap out of me, pushing through my thick walls to start a very necessary breakdown, that when things change all our defence mechanisms, our 'strong suits' and 'acts' as Landmark would call them, rise up. Today this was me in full force. My greatest joy in life is to connect with others, inspire them, motivate them to greatness and support them along the way. My goal in life is to always be the coach, helping the game be played better and better. Today I pretty much threw those ideas out, those integral core values, and focussed on my obsession with looking good. Now I know you might all be thinking "What does she mean? Did she take a hair straightener and eyelash extensions to school? Did she wear the newest designers? Has she been fake tanning again?" The answer is no, and somedays I wish I had that time and energy. It is a different kind of looking good that I am referring to. The kind that looks like acting in different and inauthentic ways to make people like you, encourage them to have a different perspective of you than might be real. When I am put into new and stressful situations I default to humour and a little shock value. Instead of connecting I tease. Instead of listening and being patient I frantically worry about trying to seem less vulnerable, to avoid showing weakness in any way. Today was a case in point. I spent much of last night and a good part of today stressing about having to do a high ropes course, something I avoided with great skill as a camp counsellor. As much as I tried to focus on everything else I just couldn't get it out my head. I freeze when faced with heights. It is totally illogical and no matter what else I can talk myself through, skiing off cliffs, clinging to the back of a motorcycle, moving and changing place time after time heights still get me. Make my knees lock. Make me freeze.
To make matters worse my freezing wasn't just embarrassing or scary, it added another whole dimension. I was acutely aware at what everyone else was thinking. Would this impact who would want to work with me in groups? Would they simply see me as a scared little girl? Could I be a leader if I couldn't even get off a ladder? Totally irrational. A better version of me would have let it go. A better version would have understood that it was one moment and that at the end of the day it mattered less than I could have imagined but I am tired and I am unsure and I don't know what to expect and so that best version of me decided to spend the day in bed and I got the now version. The real version. And so the lessons are greater as they always are when they are harder. Those of us who may not realize it likely have egos too. I know mine gets right up in my grill any chance it has. At the end of the day it is remembering that all we have is what we can be for others. Tomorrow is a new day, thank god, and all I have, all we have, is to let go of the fear and insecurity and all that looking good and simply be. Ask those best versions of ourselves to come join us and be the now versions we require.And the starfish, the starfish that started my day off so right. Had that been what I held onto. Had that been what I let fill my day oh what possibilities could have been created. Well, on to tomorrow.
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