I was casually/narcissistically rereading old blog posts and the ones from late January and early February struck a cord. My focus was firmly on my own inauthenticity and a desire to let that go. I was also obsessed with the idea of finally moving to Vancouver and starting the life I so desired. It's funny looking back at the expectations I held for where I'd be, who I was becoming, what all this newness would hold. I had an idealistic view of what life in Vancouver would entail. I saw long sunny jogs through Stanley Park, seeing all of my old summer camp friends all the time, beach days and sweet summer jobs. I expected myself to be thinner and for some reason taller. I had a large disposable income and was always happy. Simply for a change of place. It's amazing how when reality doesn't align with these expectations the disappointment that is felt and strangely we, as humans, have a tendency to continue to have expectations anyway.
Happily my expectations have not been met. Life is not as I pictured it but I never would have been able to predict where I am now. The more I let go of expectations for what is to come the more I seem to be acting in accordance with who I aspire to be and the more I am able to stay present. Each day seems to be a happy surprise. This being said life isn't perfect but I sure seems like less of a fall when it is not constantly built up and placed on a pedistal.
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