It be worth it just to see it.

Gratitude. It changes everything.

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Well, maybe not the wrong side but definitely the side, pressed against my bedside table, one foot hanging over the edge like a precarious young climber thinking about her first rappel. I have had house guests for the past month. AMAZING women who have come to see new cities and share in some debauchery. I have also been sharing a bed with them and when your bed is a double it means... waking up with a foot hanging over the edge every morning. So anyway, this is scenic route of the story by the way, I woke up with a burnt hand from the night before, aching and a little bruised set of IT bands from a lovely massage, tired and a little frustrated that I had to be a grown up and take my car in to get the power steering fixed on my day off. I really just wanted to hang out with friends and eat sushi at some point. It might be too much to ask for. I was just grumpy and as things kept changing from the plan I had in mind I got even more grumpy (remember I don't like change...). Gratitude changes everything, it's change I can get on board with.

Some earlier actions resulted in me taking the Canada Line home from the dealership. As I looked around there were people of all ages, dressed in all fashions, speaking easily half a dozen languages. There wasn't much interaction between people that didn't know each other but I was flashed a few smiles and kind offers of an empty seat. As I continued to look around, head phones in ears, I was so grateful to live in a city so diverse, once that set in I realized how grateful I was that I didn't have to battle traffic or directions or parking on the way home. I was grateful for how peaceful the train was and how it was a really good temperature and also that when it ended there would be coffee waiting for me a few short steps away.  As my plans shifted again I decided to take action in my slightly less, but still grumpy morning. I would pick up my tiny soy cappuccino and take it for a walk down by the water, people (let's be honest, puppy) watch then make some breakfast. I did just that and as I was sitting watching I saw something that made my day. A handsome man with his son in a baby carrier on his front holding the hand of his curly haired daughter walking on the sea wall. The only snippet of conversation I heard was "I do it so I can create" from the father. This struck me as such an important conversation to have with such young minds. I couldn't help but smile.

Heading home I stopped by Urban Fare. Usually out of my price range today I decided to splurge on a few luxurious ingredients for a perfect breakfast. I am addicted to their hummus. I picked up bright roasted red peppers, salty goat feta and flavourful sun dried tomatoes. I used butter in my omelette, something I almost never do, cranked up the country tunes, and ate it with fresh tomatoes and avocado on the side with a french press full of my favourite coffee. I was surprised at how delicious each bite was (I am not known for my cooking skills. Even breakfast) and grateful that I was lucky enough to be eating this feast for one. Seriously, if you don't believe me come over and I will try to recreate it.

All in all I was inspired by the simple things in life and finding beauty in them. It is our connections to others that make this all worth it. And using butter in our omelettes once in a while.

So now that my day was looking in a distinctly upward direction I popped on this TED talk. It will make you a better person. Promise.

What are you grateful for today?

Need not to find a cure for all that makes you weak.

Not really sure what brings me to put fingers to keys tonight. I have been fairly in the moment as of late. Trying not to over think, trying not to over plan. It is good for me. Victory in the challenge of it. It has allowed me to be up for anything. Given me some piece of mind from being so futuristic. It all works out in the end.

I am blessed you see. I have the best of friends. People who have my back through thick and thin. Bruised broken or in the best of shape they are right there to support me. In return I offer colour to their lives. I was listening to a song this evening... which of course I will attach for you. I was listening to it and what I finally am starting to get is that perfection is boring and inhuman. Dig deep but let others in. Let them into your life, maybe into your bed, definitely into you social group. Let them support you, fill in some chinks in that armour while simultaneously letting in a little light too. Follow your heart. It is often smarter than it lets on.

So what would I save from a fire.... I know this came up a couple weeks ago. I haven't let go of the idea. I spent parts of last week reorganizing my tiny room here and realized there are very few things I am so attached to I couldn't live without. Sure there are photos and books in other homes that I would hate to part with but if I had rescue from a fire tonight... here's what I would take.

1) My cowboy hat. Long summers at camp, dusty stampede days. Irreplaceable
2) Red MacBook. Memories, photos, journals. My creative life in a few pounds. It is my ticket to getting what I want. I would save it in a heartbeat.
3) White iPhone 4. The reason I survive living in a new city. My world at my fingertips.
4) Harmonica in C. The only of my 3 favourite instruments that fits in my pocket. Bob Dylan.
5) Pewter flask with initials. My girls gave me this one when I turned 18. Kind of a big deal.
6) Kilt pin and white ribbon. From the defining years of my life. These held me together, pins and ribbons.
7) Travel journals. Debauchery and life lessons in a few short volumes.
8) Tiny Canon point and shoot. I am not going to lie... most of my winter photography comes from this thing.
9) Assorted jewellery. Mostly heirlooms and family pieces (missing are my grandmother's pearls which are being restrung). things I want my daughters to have a chance to wear. Things that remind me where I came from.
10) Not pictured - my Canon Rebel Xsi. My pride and joy.


So that's it. Hope your weekend was as simply epic as mine. Big Love.

When I practice, I come home.

As I sit here watching the dragon boats go by, the Yaletown dogs going for their evening walks, I am sticking to my guns on this whole path of least resistance, going with the flow of life thing.


It is falling into place and I can see the bigger picture a little more clearly. I am starting to see that when things are right they do come a little easier. Once again, being honest, laying the cards on the table, works when what you are going after is in line with what you really want. Trying to cover up the parts of your life and yourself that you think aren't gets you only so far. Being honest and embracing them creates the opportunity for greatness. ACTUAL greatness. The kind of greatness where you freakout a little in awe that you are getting exactly what you want and were always afraid to ask for for fear of falling flat.  Now I am not saying this is a fool proof method. That being vulnerable in combination with confidence will get you anything. If that was true I would have a pony. And maybe that coral coloured blazer I am coveting from aritzia. If it is not right this doesn't work. If the job, the boy, the what-ever isn't what is meant for you then it isn't going to happen this easily.  


I wont lie a lot of hard work is going into this too. Giving it up, taking a risk, working hard for something is essential but when it works out and you are still happy and reasonably balanced at the end of the day just be grateful and take it. Be happy. Go with the flow. Take your failures (they are not bad) and your lessons learned and your hard work and get what you want. 


So Vancouver is warming on me needless to say. Delicious affordable sushi (literally 5 places within a block of me), beautiful scenery, amazing opportunities. I am getting back to a consistent yoga practice and am reminded of all the things I love about it. Despite this, and the view this evening I still miss the Alberta sky.


‎"I come from the prairies. When I practice, I come home. Home to the familiar expanse of a never-ending sky. Home to solid land that stretches in all directions. Home to a place in my heart that is always there, no matter where I am." - Ingrid Nilson

We'd Look Good Side by Side Walking Back to the Hotel

Albert Einstein defined insanity as “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”. A close friend and fellow insane person posted in her own blog 'Intricate and Simple' this morning on the same subject. It got me thinking, thinking about how I beat my head against a wall sometimes thinking that at any moment I will be able to walk through, or better yet get a job, accepted into school, find love, be successful and be a really fast runner. Einstein surely would laugh.


I also got to thinking about all the changes I have made and the expectations of new results I attached to them. I left my job, the one I loved, the one that changed me, the one that I held onto longer than anything else. Ever. I left my city that I had fallen head over heels for. I left my friends. The ones who I grew up with, and I really don't mean went from being children to teens or young adults with, I mean the ones who I played big with, made mistakes, learned from. We manned up and grew up together.


I had big expectations for all of this. Life was going to be perfect. Life was going to be different. The funny thing is that while I made these grand gestures to the gods of change and results maybe they weren't the changes that Einstein was talking about. Changing where you live doesn't fix all the things that were holding you back in the place where you came from. It's like cutting your hair and expecting the cost of oil to go down (yes, that intense randomness was intentional). If you want to find a job go look, learn interview skills, do a little research. Change those areas that you want to see change in. Then maybe some results will surface. 


All in all, I don't mean to belittle the choices I have made. I am a big supporter of learning from everything and against some of my training, I believe that most things happen for a reason, even if that reason is to teach you don't need to add meaning to everything. The best decision, the change that created a leap instead of a step in the direction I envision for myself, was letting go of my career that I clung to and creating the space for everything to fall into place. But you probably already knew that. It was changing the right thing for the right results. Some of my other choices... not so much.


Lastly, today was a good day. Patience is a virtue I rarely posses with myself. I like things to happen now. I have been beating my head against that previously mentioned wall waiting for it to all change.  This morning it did. School is much closer to becoming a reality than I had anticipated. Knowing I am one step closer to a path has me excited to stop wandering aimlessly without a compass. I also picked up the June edition of the Yoga Journal this morning. No big deal, flipping through was my first published photo! (Page 35, June 2011 issue) I had been anxiously awaiting this moment since January. All this good news had me reflecting further on Einstein's definition. Maybe it is letting go of what doesn't serve us, maybe it is changing the things we want to be different in our lives, and likely it is having patience with ourselves and the universe while we wait for what will happen next.


Big love from West coast.