I'll take any little piece of nature I can get my hands on these days. Even if this means my balcony over looking the freeway, neighbours mere feet away, the sound of the GO train screeching into the station audible over the hum of the traffic. Sitting out here, or on the roof of a heritage building downtown, reminds me of home in some way and it humbles me to remember a place deep and far away of driving through the rockies, our Volvo station wagon a spec on the valley floor.
I cling to the idea of the future, as I am prone to do and have so much practice in. "In 10 years" I tell myself and those around me, "I will look back on all of this and chuckle to myself, how I was just on the cusp of figuring it all out, having all the pieces start to fall into place". I am not there yet, I am reminded with the incessance of a jack hammer.
I have read, on more than one occasion, that life often comes all at once or makes us wait while nothing seems to be happening and both are challenges. These days I feel I am in the middle of both at once. While everything has changed dramatically in the past six months nothing is quite where I wish it would be, wishful thinking that it would be perhaps. While rapid and immense change is both hectic and unnerving it is the stillness after that makes me anxious. Trying to catch up to the next big thing.
So this is where I stand. Neither here nor there, stretched thin across the country as I used to be. Trapped in a moment between what was and what I see so clearly to be just around the corner. There will be a lesson in all this. I can taste it in the air, turing prematurely to fall, our summer front heavy and drifting into a comfortable coolness.
I cling to the idea of the future, as I am prone to do and have so much practice in. "In 10 years" I tell myself and those around me, "I will look back on all of this and chuckle to myself, how I was just on the cusp of figuring it all out, having all the pieces start to fall into place". I am not there yet, I am reminded with the incessance of a jack hammer.
I have read, on more than one occasion, that life often comes all at once or makes us wait while nothing seems to be happening and both are challenges. These days I feel I am in the middle of both at once. While everything has changed dramatically in the past six months nothing is quite where I wish it would be, wishful thinking that it would be perhaps. While rapid and immense change is both hectic and unnerving it is the stillness after that makes me anxious. Trying to catch up to the next big thing.
So this is where I stand. Neither here nor there, stretched thin across the country as I used to be. Trapped in a moment between what was and what I see so clearly to be just around the corner. There will be a lesson in all this. I can taste it in the air, turing prematurely to fall, our summer front heavy and drifting into a comfortable coolness.
