Not a year in review

I've been struggling to compile a year in review for 2012 and a game plan for 2013 for about the last week. It's not that i haven't had the time. I have had more time at my disposal since the 19th of December than I have in what feels like years, and in reality probably is. Part of it is for me that for the last 9 years I have never really felt like January first is the start of my year, February first has always been. At first this was for reasons sad and startling, now for a new and wonderful beginning!

For me this January will be much more of a wrapping up. I'm moving, to somewhere I claimed I never would but have recently fallen in love with. January will be about packing up my tiny apartment in Vancouver, about visiting my local haunts, about spending time with friends I may not see for a while. February will be all sorts of a new beginning. February first means a new home, a new job (fingers crossed), living in a city with some of my dearest friends and the person I like best. February will be all about finding my favourite coffee shops and yoga classes and where I can buy gluten free treats and fresh raspberries. Also where I can buy peonies when the season is right. 

It is hard to think that for the second time under two years everything is changing again. City, apartment, local friends, cheap sushi, and late night 5 cent sour key vendors, for those study nights that just need some nostalgia. But again it is just opportunity. The nice thing of starting at zero is that everything is ahead, ready to be created or taken hold of. It is a scary and wonderful feeling all at once. The kind of invigoration the soul needs once in a while. And yes, I am serial wanderer. Keeping me in one place for more than a handful of months is a task few are willing to take one, I myself am rarely one of them, but this time there is just SO MUCH adventure at my finger tips, I think I will be busy for a while. 

So that's it. 2012 has been a remarkable year. I feel I say that every year and I guess they all are but this was a big one. There have been years in the past where I was asked to step up and I did, years where I was told to step up and given no other option, but this year I can say with certainty  I was surrounded by people who gave me the space and tools and unwavering, if not incredibly humours, support to grow up a bit and get one step closer to the person I am meant to be. For that I am so grateful. 

Best of luck for 2013, may it be every bit as humorous and memorable as you can handle!

The Abyss

There's a question we've all been asked, what feels like a million times, "what are you going to do after the program?" The daunting thing is a lot of us don't know. With jobs market in Vancouver being less than in other parts of the country for strapping young folk with an extra 3 letters behind their names even the question of "what city?" becomes a tricky one to answer. Additionally most companies aren't hiring in december, between outgoing and incoming budgets and holiday breaks many of us will have at least a month to contemplate this. The answer many of us have been giving follows a sigh and usually includes the quintessential MBA answer... well it depends.

The thing is during the last few months it was easier to brush off the answer with the necessity of focusing on more urgent tasks like finishing assignments, exams or surviving the last few weeks of socializing. Last night was somewhat of a turning point. We celebrated with a Gala, the ones of us who were left, not on exchange, some first years, and some wonderful part timers. The topic of the night was as always "what's next." Suddenly there was nothing to hide behind and the uncertainty of my own future was startling. I couldn't even answer what side of the country I would be on and that scared the crap out of me. It felt as if there was a vice around my heart and lungs, I felt paralyzed and short of breath. This evening at just past 11, the advice I was given has finally hit home, a simple lesson in reframing. What I saw as the black abysses of uncertainty, I was reminded, was actually an exciting time of opportunity. The fact that I have no dependants, unless you count my beloved though needy student loan, no mortgage, no car payments, no pets, and only a very hardy bamboo plant to take care of means that the future really should be exciting and my life has a way of working out so I shouldn't be so scared. This was and is WAY harder than it sounds. Or maybe it sounds really hard.

What I find most striking is how quickly we were shoved in the deep end. Literally three days ago we were all doing projects, assignments, or writing exams. It felt like there would be another dozen pub nights just around the corner, we would all have a week off then see each other in class. This is not the case. Some of the best, most inspiring, most intelligent people I have ever met are all heading off in their own directions. There are some I hate to admit that I wont see again and a few that I care deeply about that I wont see for a while. We are all heading off to the next great thing, the reason we started with program in the first place. I guess what I'm getting at is I think we will all be ok. I think all of our little borderline type A personalities could use a month of contemplation and ... relaxation. At the end of the day, no matter how much we hate answering that question right now we are all much more competent than when we started. Many of us have changed everything we thought we would want and want to do in the last 16 months but I have great faith, well now I do anyway, that we just need to keep looking at the opportunities now available to us and be grateful. It is not the abyss.