I've got a couple things on my mind. Just the little, simple thoughts of peace, resourcefulness and the early throws of marriage.
In no particular order let's discuss resourcefulness. Being resourceful is something I learned most quickly in my outdoor pursuits. Whether it was leading canoe trips and mending broken paddles or playing sports and getting creative keeping goals out of nets the resourcefulness that my early life was saturated with has served me well in later years. It was one of the key strengths that has got me through my MBA, living in many different cities, travelling the world and getting shit done at the office. It is something I place a great amount of value on both for myself and those I surround myself with. I am not impressed with those who don't see constraints as just a jumping off point, a box to look outside of, a challenge to make the game more fun. Seriously though, I have taken the last 2 weeks off work like a jerk, you know, just getting married, seeing a home I rarely get to spend time in and travelling by plane and car... a lot. Understanding I have responsibilities at the office I left a detailed contact list in case anything has come up. Being a specialist there isn't really anything that I should be needed for when away that someone else can't (at least temporarily) provide a answer or solution to. This has not been my experience over the past week or so. Though I can do nothing to resolve the issue at hand that the person with said-issue can not do themselves, especially not until I am back in the office until Monday, they continue to reach out instead of getting resourceful and at the very least take my suggestions of who to talk to who might actually be able to help. Not only am I bothered as this infringes on the sacred time I have cut out of my life to spend with my new husband but because I am distinctly disappointed in the lack of resourcefulness of this young leader. I am not simply annoyed but also concerned for their ability to perform in their future. I would like to brush it off and tell you I won't think about it until Monday but let's be honest, this will likely keep my up or at least infiltrate my thoughts over the next few days. Worst.
Next, the thing I learned about the final days of planning a wedding is to enjoy it, not worry if you forget to put out the extra lanterns or fancy lights or the stereo doesn't work during cocktail hour. I was spoiled and got married twice in the last 2 weeks. Each was remarkably different but the common themes were the amazing love that we were shown and felt, that there was great food at both and that people had a blast. Now that we have been married spiritually for 2 weeks and legally for a week life is sweet. I feel like I am just starting something big, I want to clean our home, make a nest, set some badass goals and plan the next big trip... while we take it easy for a while. I feel more smitten than I thought possible. A quiet glowing affection like a perfectly stoked fire in a deeply warm hearth. I always felt most like myself around G than anyone else but over the past few weeks I feel even more so, if that's possible. I laugh more quickly, don't hold back, ask for everything I want. It is beautiful and pure. While our wedding days were some of the best of my life, stunning and perfect in more ways than I could imagine, these first days of married life are even better.
Last but not least, peace. I am at home in small towns nestled in nature. My heart is happiest when I can swim in a clear lake, my head full of nothing but the sweet air, soft sounds and coolness radiating from my body. My soul thrives near the trees where people are happy and friendly... and there aren't too many of them. Where food comes from the same earth the people do and the animals, fish and vegetables lived happy lives. I am happiest when I am grounded and free. Light with sun and clean air and fresh oxygen straight from the forest. Heavy, rooted in the mountains and dark with the lakes. I have had 10 days of this. Coming back to the city gives me mixed feelings. Our apartment feels like a little nest, like the ospreys near my folks' place we are up high with a view of the lake. But driving downtown, with the masses of people, unsmiling, rushed, I nearly panicked. Even now I can feel my heart racing in my chest where it was still days ago. I miss the peace. I miss the stillness. I miss the sounds of everything else besides the traffic and the voices and the human drone.
So that's it. All I want is to be married, kick start the next step, and be surrounded by resourceful humans in nature. Is that too much to ask?
In no particular order let's discuss resourcefulness. Being resourceful is something I learned most quickly in my outdoor pursuits. Whether it was leading canoe trips and mending broken paddles or playing sports and getting creative keeping goals out of nets the resourcefulness that my early life was saturated with has served me well in later years. It was one of the key strengths that has got me through my MBA, living in many different cities, travelling the world and getting shit done at the office. It is something I place a great amount of value on both for myself and those I surround myself with. I am not impressed with those who don't see constraints as just a jumping off point, a box to look outside of, a challenge to make the game more fun. Seriously though, I have taken the last 2 weeks off work like a jerk, you know, just getting married, seeing a home I rarely get to spend time in and travelling by plane and car... a lot. Understanding I have responsibilities at the office I left a detailed contact list in case anything has come up. Being a specialist there isn't really anything that I should be needed for when away that someone else can't (at least temporarily) provide a answer or solution to. This has not been my experience over the past week or so. Though I can do nothing to resolve the issue at hand that the person with said-issue can not do themselves, especially not until I am back in the office until Monday, they continue to reach out instead of getting resourceful and at the very least take my suggestions of who to talk to who might actually be able to help. Not only am I bothered as this infringes on the sacred time I have cut out of my life to spend with my new husband but because I am distinctly disappointed in the lack of resourcefulness of this young leader. I am not simply annoyed but also concerned for their ability to perform in their future. I would like to brush it off and tell you I won't think about it until Monday but let's be honest, this will likely keep my up or at least infiltrate my thoughts over the next few days. Worst.
Next, the thing I learned about the final days of planning a wedding is to enjoy it, not worry if you forget to put out the extra lanterns or fancy lights or the stereo doesn't work during cocktail hour. I was spoiled and got married twice in the last 2 weeks. Each was remarkably different but the common themes were the amazing love that we were shown and felt, that there was great food at both and that people had a blast. Now that we have been married spiritually for 2 weeks and legally for a week life is sweet. I feel like I am just starting something big, I want to clean our home, make a nest, set some badass goals and plan the next big trip... while we take it easy for a while. I feel more smitten than I thought possible. A quiet glowing affection like a perfectly stoked fire in a deeply warm hearth. I always felt most like myself around G than anyone else but over the past few weeks I feel even more so, if that's possible. I laugh more quickly, don't hold back, ask for everything I want. It is beautiful and pure. While our wedding days were some of the best of my life, stunning and perfect in more ways than I could imagine, these first days of married life are even better.
Last but not least, peace. I am at home in small towns nestled in nature. My heart is happiest when I can swim in a clear lake, my head full of nothing but the sweet air, soft sounds and coolness radiating from my body. My soul thrives near the trees where people are happy and friendly... and there aren't too many of them. Where food comes from the same earth the people do and the animals, fish and vegetables lived happy lives. I am happiest when I am grounded and free. Light with sun and clean air and fresh oxygen straight from the forest. Heavy, rooted in the mountains and dark with the lakes. I have had 10 days of this. Coming back to the city gives me mixed feelings. Our apartment feels like a little nest, like the ospreys near my folks' place we are up high with a view of the lake. But driving downtown, with the masses of people, unsmiling, rushed, I nearly panicked. Even now I can feel my heart racing in my chest where it was still days ago. I miss the peace. I miss the stillness. I miss the sounds of everything else besides the traffic and the voices and the human drone.
So that's it. All I want is to be married, kick start the next step, and be surrounded by resourceful humans in nature. Is that too much to ask?
