Monday, December 3, 2012

The Abyss

There's a question we've all been asked, what feels like a million times, "what are you going to do after the program?" The daunting thing is a lot of us don't know. With jobs market in Vancouver being less than in other parts of the country for strapping young folk with an extra 3 letters behind their names even the question of "what city?" becomes a tricky one to answer. Additionally most companies aren't hiring in december, between outgoing and incoming budgets and holiday breaks many of us will have at least a month to contemplate this. The answer many of us have been giving follows a sigh and usually includes the quintessential MBA answer... well it depends.

The thing is during the last few months it was easier to brush off the answer with the necessity of focusing on more urgent tasks like finishing assignments, exams or surviving the last few weeks of socializing. Last night was somewhat of a turning point. We celebrated with a Gala, the ones of us who were left, not on exchange, some first years, and some wonderful part timers. The topic of the night was as always "what's next." Suddenly there was nothing to hide behind and the uncertainty of my own future was startling. I couldn't even answer what side of the country I would be on and that scared the crap out of me. It felt as if there was a vice around my heart and lungs, I felt paralyzed and short of breath. This evening at just past 11, the advice I was given has finally hit home, a simple lesson in reframing. What I saw as the black abysses of uncertainty, I was reminded, was actually an exciting time of opportunity. The fact that I have no dependants, unless you count my beloved though needy student loan, no mortgage, no car payments, no pets, and only a very hardy bamboo plant to take care of means that the future really should be exciting and my life has a way of working out so I shouldn't be so scared. This was and is WAY harder than it sounds. Or maybe it sounds really hard.

What I find most striking is how quickly we were shoved in the deep end. Literally three days ago we were all doing projects, assignments, or writing exams. It felt like there would be another dozen pub nights just around the corner, we would all have a week off then see each other in class. This is not the case. Some of the best, most inspiring, most intelligent people I have ever met are all heading off in their own directions. There are some I hate to admit that I wont see again and a few that I care deeply about that I wont see for a while. We are all heading off to the next great thing, the reason we started with program in the first place. I guess what I'm getting at is I think we will all be ok. I think all of our little borderline type A personalities could use a month of contemplation and ... relaxation. At the end of the day, no matter how much we hate answering that question right now we are all much more competent than when we started. Many of us have changed everything we thought we would want and want to do in the last 16 months but I have great faith, well now I do anyway, that we just need to keep looking at the opportunities now available to us and be grateful. It is not the abyss.

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