Between the perspective that a new city, new friends, and new family provides I am a little overwhelmed with the hyper saturation going on in my life. It is the presence that seeing almost everything for the first time provides and is something that I have long needed in my life. Also it is humbling. I am not one for homesickness or someone who balks at being in new spaces, or just a face in the crowd but this is different. This is a big city. My parents are a two day trip away and my friends, nearly a thousand dollar flight. This isolation, this break from my life of less than a month ago, is both liberating and a little disconcerting but living alone, for the most part, and in a new community has given me back more than it has taken away. I am gaining a little compassion that I feel I may have left on the prairies when I moved West all those months ago.
It pains me to say that I have been a little jealous over the past few years of those who are following paths that make use of all their wonderful gifts, gifts that I feel I posses but have put on the back burner. I have been reading Brené Brown's most recent book, in pieces and snippets i might add, but I recently realized that these feelings I've had come from vulnerability and in my case being at odds with it. It takes immense grace to pursue what you love, especially when the financial rewards may be less, considerably so in some cases, and you may fear what others might say about you, about your job and the validity of it as a life long career. It takes balls to go out on your own, to hustle, and to pick yourself up after you fail in pursuit of something bigger than yourself. So now, when I feel any resentment or judgement rising up in me I am committed to reaching out and supporting others. In part because they truly deserve it, in part because it is the right thing to do, and a little bit because right now, I desperately need that support too. Unemployment isn't as flattering as one may hope.
It pains me to say that I have been a little jealous over the past few years of those who are following paths that make use of all their wonderful gifts, gifts that I feel I posses but have put on the back burner. I have been reading Brené Brown's most recent book, in pieces and snippets i might add, but I recently realized that these feelings I've had come from vulnerability and in my case being at odds with it. It takes immense grace to pursue what you love, especially when the financial rewards may be less, considerably so in some cases, and you may fear what others might say about you, about your job and the validity of it as a life long career. It takes balls to go out on your own, to hustle, and to pick yourself up after you fail in pursuit of something bigger than yourself. So now, when I feel any resentment or judgement rising up in me I am committed to reaching out and supporting others. In part because they truly deserve it, in part because it is the right thing to do, and a little bit because right now, I desperately need that support too. Unemployment isn't as flattering as one may hope.
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