This time last year, as I lay on the couch with the flu, I was days away from making a decision that would drastically change the course of my year. I had a sneaking suspicion that 2011 would be a big year. I willed it to be after 2010. I wasn’t sure what would happen but I knew that I wasn’t going to miss a chance at something big.
I would like to say I followed through with what I learned from last year. I didn’t remember that running was a way to get through stressful and emotional things but I did follow the other ones. Following my bliss, doing what I really should be doing was at the top of my list. As was taking responsibility for my life. Taking risks and being vulnerable to get what I want was essential to getting where I am now.
I said, at the end of last year, that in 2011 I would grow my business and this year I have written more than I thought I would ever do for anything other than school. This year my photograph was published. This year I took a step away from a job I didn’t love any longer and fell into something that has been exactly what I have been looking for.
I said I would learn as much as possible and that I can say I truly achieved. Looking back to where I was at the end of 2010 it is impossible not to compare how much more I know myself and the world around me. It has been exciting to not only learn in my classes but to have my peers and city to teach me as well. I promised I would have adventure, take risks and reap the rewards. Within 6 months I had quit my job, applied and been accepted into grad school and moved cities. I have thrown myself into as much as I could, often into the deep end, and I am ever grateful for it. I would not be anywhere near where I am now had I not.
I also said I would love. After 2010 and what felt like heart ache for too many months 2011 was a clean slate. I rediscovered a city I love where the winter light is different than the prairies but still golden and beautiful. Not to sound too cheesy but I fell in love with my self again. Those first few months living alone in Calgary I had no option but to remember what it was like not to always have to rely on others for companionship and I learned that often, no matter how much support you get from those around you (and I am VERY grateful for the support I received during those months) at the end of the day it is just you and you have to be ok with who that person is. I also promised myself I would be open to letting people in this year. New and old friends, even romantic relationships should they arise. I was not always the friend I wanted to be this year but I can say that there were relationships that grew and stabilized and that speaks volumes about the people I am lucky enough to have in my life.
So 2011, I left a job I thought I never would, made leaps to get into a program I never thought I would love so much. I moved to a new city, had a new roommate, made new friends, reconnected with old ones. I was published, did more math than I thought I would ever do, travelled. Months of 2011 I learned to be creative to fill them and still feel productive, other months I worked harder than I thought I could and realized how much stuff is the ‘small stuff’ and that sweating it just takes too much energy. In 2011 I came into my own. Got what I wanted. Realized my value and my shortcomings. I truly couldn’t have asked for anything more.
2012 is going to be a good one too. I can sense it. Knowing what I know now makes me understand that I am probably in for some big shocks, some unexpected changes. But 2012, like 2011, I have big plans for you.
This year my writing will be published, I will graduate with the grades I want, I will find a job that inspires me. This year I will pursue physical challenges with excitement. This year I will not pass up opportunities presented to me.
It is with a little sadness that I say good-bye to 2011. I can say with certainty that thus far it was the best year of my life. But as ever I am looking forward to the next steps. So much in my life feels like just the beginning and I am excited to see what comes of it.
With that, Happy New Year to all!
