So my twenty-fifth year is coming to an end. For someone who is as overly introspective as myself I have, of course, been thinking a lot about what this year meant to me, what I learned and what inspired me, changed me.
It started out rough. I was working a job I didn't love, falling out of relationships, never dealing with the root causes but just trying to cover up the symptoms. It was fun sometimes but I created more and more drama for myself, always attaching an expectation to everything I did. I was always stressed, always worried, never myself. I did everything I could to grasp at all the things I thought would make me happy and if I got them tended to not give any space for them to grow. A flame with no oxygen will burn out. I was burning out. I fought hard for all these things. To me if it wasn't hard it wasn't worth it. I spent a lot of last summer in tears over why things just didn't work out. I had pity parties and it was getting me no where.
I would like to say I got my act together last fall. It sure seemed as though things were on the up and up. I was in the role that I expected myself to be in, and was expected to be in. I was busy, I was learning. My posted goals said what I thought they wanted, my private goals, the ones lovingly saved as my computer desktop, said something completely different. I was living one life and dreaming of another. Things changed the day I took a stand.
And ladies and gentlemen, that is my biggest learning from being a quarter century old. From the moment I took a stand for what I truly wanted, for what my heart and gut told me were right, things started to fall into place. Twenty five went from being a year I couldn't wait to move on from to one of the best of my life. So what did taking a stand look like? I quit the job that taught me so much of what I know but that I no longer loved. I spent almost 4 months of self employment ( and unemployment) figuring out what I DID want, applying to school, moving west. I did pretty much exactly what I wanted to do. I wrote, I took pictures, I practiced yoga. I drank on Wednesdays, skied during the week, went on road trips, went to bed early, had dance parties in the kitchen by myself. I stopped looking for people, jobs, ideas that fit a checklist and started looking for ones that made me smile, made me content, inspired me. I did things because I loved them not because I wanted to get somewhere, not because I expected a result. I just gave what I had. I studied hard but wasn't really sure if my late applications would be accepted and low and behold I got into my dream school. Life is sweet. Things just kind of fall into place these days. It isn't hard. At least it isn't a struggle. It feels right. That's the funny thing. Joseph Campbell, one my favourite authors, said, more eloquently than I will here, that when you are following your bliss, when you are taking a stand for the life you are meant to be living, it is the path of least resistance. This in combination with an idea very prevalent in yoga, that of not attaching expectations to your actions, are how I am trying to life my life now. When you don't expect one thing or another of people they don't disappoint and you can enjoy their company more.
Long story short, twenty five, I am sorry I gave you such a hard time. You were great to me. Thank you with all my gratitude for helping me become who I am today.
It started out rough. I was working a job I didn't love, falling out of relationships, never dealing with the root causes but just trying to cover up the symptoms. It was fun sometimes but I created more and more drama for myself, always attaching an expectation to everything I did. I was always stressed, always worried, never myself. I did everything I could to grasp at all the things I thought would make me happy and if I got them tended to not give any space for them to grow. A flame with no oxygen will burn out. I was burning out. I fought hard for all these things. To me if it wasn't hard it wasn't worth it. I spent a lot of last summer in tears over why things just didn't work out. I had pity parties and it was getting me no where.
I would like to say I got my act together last fall. It sure seemed as though things were on the up and up. I was in the role that I expected myself to be in, and was expected to be in. I was busy, I was learning. My posted goals said what I thought they wanted, my private goals, the ones lovingly saved as my computer desktop, said something completely different. I was living one life and dreaming of another. Things changed the day I took a stand.
And ladies and gentlemen, that is my biggest learning from being a quarter century old. From the moment I took a stand for what I truly wanted, for what my heart and gut told me were right, things started to fall into place. Twenty five went from being a year I couldn't wait to move on from to one of the best of my life. So what did taking a stand look like? I quit the job that taught me so much of what I know but that I no longer loved. I spent almost 4 months of self employment ( and unemployment) figuring out what I DID want, applying to school, moving west. I did pretty much exactly what I wanted to do. I wrote, I took pictures, I practiced yoga. I drank on Wednesdays, skied during the week, went on road trips, went to bed early, had dance parties in the kitchen by myself. I stopped looking for people, jobs, ideas that fit a checklist and started looking for ones that made me smile, made me content, inspired me. I did things because I loved them not because I wanted to get somewhere, not because I expected a result. I just gave what I had. I studied hard but wasn't really sure if my late applications would be accepted and low and behold I got into my dream school. Life is sweet. Things just kind of fall into place these days. It isn't hard. At least it isn't a struggle. It feels right. That's the funny thing. Joseph Campbell, one my favourite authors, said, more eloquently than I will here, that when you are following your bliss, when you are taking a stand for the life you are meant to be living, it is the path of least resistance. This in combination with an idea very prevalent in yoga, that of not attaching expectations to your actions, are how I am trying to life my life now. When you don't expect one thing or another of people they don't disappoint and you can enjoy their company more.
Long story short, twenty five, I am sorry I gave you such a hard time. You were great to me. Thank you with all my gratitude for helping me become who I am today.
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