When It Rains How It Pours.

I didn't practice my Blissology DVDs today. I stayed true to my commitment to yoga and mediation though. I went to a class taught by my very dear friend in and very hot room. It was mind clearing to be bending and flexing in that heat, feeling my muscles loosen under the humidity, under the warmth. I don't always practice hot yoga, sometimes because I don't like having sweaty hair for my later appointments and sometimes because I find the series intimidating,  a room full of fit sweaty people, a few or more with type-A personalities pushing harder and farther than my body really wants to go sometimes. Not tonight. Tonight was just what I needed.

Tonight I felt connected to the 5 elements that is the focus of our meditation. The water dripping off my body in the form of sweat and being replenished through my water-bottle, the firm earth beneath my feet and the rich American clay covering the walls. The fire in my core from vinyasas and intentional breathing, not to mention from the 40 degree heat on the outside of my body. The air and humidity I breathed in through out the practice clearly represented air to me. And then space. So much space. I felt very whole throughout the whole practice. It was just what I needed, a heightened awareness of my surroundings and my internal space. An hour and fifteen minutes of being pushed just hard enough for me to clear my head, even just for a while.

Tomorrow I am off to Vancouver! I am excited to practice near the ocean and to feel the water element even further.

Cool heads have failed now it's time to have my turn

A lesson on being.

I am a high achiever, wether the book 'Strengths Finder' says so or not. I like results, I like titles, I like measurable accomplishments. Often I get trapped in excuses and in mediocracy because I am so intensely afraid of failing, or worse, of quitting. Last week and the week prior I decided to do everything, all at once, that I thought might get me out of this place I feel stuck in. Yoga, Meditation, Running, Not Eating Anything Fun, Being the Best Assistant Manager in Existence.  It all fell apart this weekend in one foul swoop. I was exhausted, I was so consumed with being who I thought I should be and not with who I am and who I am becoming.

Today I came back to my mat. I practiced my Wednesday Blissology disc, threw in a few handstands on the end because I was feeling feisty and then did the manifestation meditation. Not surprisingly I feel a thousand time better than I did before. The manifestation aspect of the day was what really hit home. It really speaks to the idea of being perfect, whole and complete in the moment and using the power of positive thought to transform the choices and possibilities of the future. Instead of getting myself down for not being as thin or fit as I would like, for not always eating the healthiest, running the fastest, practicing the hardest postures I am filled with a peace knowing that today I am where I need to be. That I am grateful that I am healthy, that I have access to nutritious food, that I CAN run, that I am flexible, strong and open enough to practice the postures I can and do. And going forward... well I am focused on being happy for the little steps. They add up. Leaping ahead too quickly is where I miss the moments that matter, the brilliant Alberta sky, coffees with friends, hammock time.

Yes. Today was a lesson on being.

Hold on to that feeling.

TED talks... who knew

"What do I want to do everyday for the rest of my life? Do that!

Stop crying and just keep hustling. Hustling is the most important word in the world.

Legacy is greater than currency."

Check it out NOW.

A freight train running through the middle of my head only you can cool my desire

When something comes like lightning from a clear sky on a warm summers night, the rain just feels right. The flash summer prairie storms cleanse the earth from the dust and drought of the long hot days. The long dog days of hard work, sometimes monotony, occasional drudgery of a persistent going forward to no clear end are renewed by the clear warm drops that soak everything back to the inner good. It is these unexpected storms that sprout seeds, nurture trees, cool the calves in the field. Sometimes lightning from a clear sky on a warm summers night, the rain just feels right.

In a grand feat of synchronicity I was blessed enough to have the weekend I have had. It is the luck of making no plans and having every single piece of the puzzle drop into the right place. The cherry on top, has been this evening. Tonight celebrated the culmination of dreams and the dreamers who were bold enough, had faith in them selves and in the future enough to turn these into a vivd and simply stunning reality. It was not the easiest road. I can't imagine what feats of strength and luck played into the success but it was the singular key to knowing that this kind of life is a possibility. Following your bliss DOES result in living the life you thought you could only imagine. One of the dreamers said tonight, "What do you do now" someone had asked her "When you have achieved your life's dream at 27?" " I think I will just stay here and enjoy it for a while". (sorry for the slight paraphrasing... the proseco has made it a little blurry). The point is, by simply going after what she wanted she achieved her vision... at 27.

This is what I want. This is what I will do. To boot, another dear friend was there. She is the most amazing artist, who specializes in print making. She is the person I look up to. Her art is her rock. She knows that it will be extremely successful. She refuses to believe anything less. I will be there. At the end of the day I know what I want. I can see it so clearly it is like looking at the back of my hand in front of me, the scars and freckles burned into my memory. I will take pictures. I will teach. I will run successful businesses. I will meet someone who wants to come on this journey too and have a family full of dreamers and doers.

I am overwhelmed, sitting in my studio under the peaked ceilings of my little home. This is first time I have honoured myself and this space by using it for what it was created to be. My creative sanctuary. What ever fortuitous events brought me in to the moment tonight, surrounded by exceptional people, all willing to do what makes them happy, I am forever grateful.

That’s all my baby needs, to keep her home, keep her home and on time, And that’s All I Need.

There is a lot to be said for appreciating where you are. For contentment. Today I wasn't perfect. I didn't accomplish everything I wanted to at work, I ate coconut milk ice-cream for dinner when I knew I should have had veggies and lentil stew. I wasn't perfect. It also took me a while to get motivated to practice tonight. I got home late from work (which was actually great because I got to spend an extra hour with rad people). I was late from running errands, hastily ate then found myself on the couch with magazines stacked around me like the forts I used to make when I was little, cutting out clippings to create my vision boards. Finally I realized I needed to get up and go. Action needed to precede motivation tonight.

I came to my mat and as I began to flow through the sun salutations I was vividly aware that my upper back had mobility. I had let go of something. There was space. I was excited to jump back into chaturanga for the first time in a long time and as I expressed my gratitude for the ability to practice through my side angle posture Eoin spoke to this idea of contentment. I let out a sigh of relief. We don't practice yoga because it's easy. We don't practice because it's cool, or because it is the path of least resistance. I practice because it gives me all I need. I practice because it is the calm in the storm. I practice because it is my contentment. 

I know he'd be a poorer man if he never saw an eagle fly

To Love… For Saving Me.

Last night I spent the evening watching films exemplifying humans in love with their surroundings, with how far they could control their fear, with how far their love and desire would allow them to fly. Literally fly. One of the dedications, for a film about a young German man who walked across China, was simply “ to Love, for Saving Me’. This hit home hard, it put the whole night in context.

I couldn’t shake it this morning when I woke up and went to work, though my whole day, through my first yoga practice and until I found my self on my mat, at about 8:30 this evening. Unlike most days, I started my Blissology practice with a meditation instead of with my physical practice. Today’s mediation focused on manifesting what you desire in your life in balance with what will benefit our world. This aligned so closely with my previous evening at the Banff Mountain Film Fest that I was startled. As the meditation progressed love began to fill my heart like a bright gold light. What I wanted for myself, and those around me was simply, love, the feeling of a greater energy that drives us, for a deeper connection, for others to share our passions with. Next, the mediation moved on to what we would manifest for the world, for our greater global community. What arose was the hope, the promise, of spectacular natural wilderness for future generations. In my mind I was walking through tall evergreens under a brilliant sun, as I walked great gray mountains rose before me. So love and nature. Who knew?!

Alas, my asana practice wasn’t nearly as smooth sailing. It was a struggle for me to focus, to go through the flows, to twist and lengthen my side body. I was grateful to come to the end, to lay in savasana and let the whole day flow over me. As I lay there breathing, letting my low back sink into my mat, I thought of all the men in those climbing movies from the night before. Their climbs weren’t without tough goes, they had to modify plans to reach the goals, to keep following the paths they had laid out. Sometimes it is ok just to get through practice and find your self at the end, in peace.

All in all, a very successful Wednesday.

Wear a Life Jacket and Commit ...

... The first non-song lyric title.

I am not going to lie. I was tired when I came to my mat this evening. Not just a little tired but really really tired. All I could think of was that I was cold and stiff from my run, my ankle was sore from almost bailing 5 minutes into my run, and it had been a long long day. Now don't get me wrong. I am beginning to love my runs. My lungs feel open, I get to spend time in conversation I otherwise wouldn't get to spend. My runs are becoming easier (mildly) and more fun (exponentially). The only downside is that by the time I got home to practice I was not feeling bendy or focused.

I did the quickie tonight. 27 minutes of delicious run stiffness reversing goodness. Before even getting to the practice I watched the intro to my Monday flow. The health warning included the following words, "Wear a life jacket and commit." That's funny because it really seems to sum up how I am feeling these days. Do what you can to protect yourself then jump in the deep end, into the deep blue, maybe from a balinese yacht. To me this really means, hey, it's -25 before the windchill so you better bundle up as much as possible before you go run! To me this means modify all the postures you want but make sure you hit that mat and go through the postures that are so good for you. It comes back to something another one of my favourite yoga teachers spoke to last night in class. He was talking about simply exhaling. So many of us, so much of the time, leave little pockets of air in our lungs when we claim to let go of it all. He asked us to commit. To let it all out and be without air just for a few moments. This struck me as incredibly significant and it speaks so much to the commitment we make when we have integrity in our lives and very importantly in our practices. Let it go and just for a few moments create a great space to be filled by all the possibilities. This is what happens when we truly commit.

On this note, meandering as it is, another wise man once spoke to this phenomenon of space. One day, on our mats in Ukee, Eoin Finn told our small group about the idea of everything  moving from high pressure to low pressure. He spoke of air, of people, of so many things in life. This what truly came up for me today in my run, in my practice and in my meditation. I am learning to create those areas of low pressure so all that good can flood in! I am putting on tat life jacket and committing!