So I had my chance yesterday. The fire alarm in our building went off and I grabbed what I said I would. Partially out of an act of integrity, doing what I said I would do, but also in part because I felt that I may have contributed to the jinx if a fire had indeed been started and wanted to be sure I took what truly meant something if I had the chance. Turns out all that metal and electronics are quite heavy but the consolation was a plethora of firefighters in uniform when we returned to our building after waiting out the alarm at a little coffee shop around the corner. Sigh.
New beginnings. I am damn near obsessed with them in theory. A chance to start fresh, a chance to recover from old mistakes, an opportunity to make the fun ones again. Starting a new job has reminded me that there is also a lot about new beginnings that challenges who I am. I have heard time and time again that I am over responsible. It can come off as perfectionism but I am not that much of a neat freak. I just take ownership over all that I affect and my empathy immediately goes out to those whose day I could ruin if I make a simple mistake. I don't like to get things wrong especially when they come easily to others. Yesterday I was going through a process on the computer and my brain felt like sandpaper, no smooth sailing just friction and abrasion to try to get through what I was doing. It obviously showed in my face as two of my new coworkers offered kind and uplifting words. As usual telling me I was too hard on myself. I realized in that moment that I always feel like this at the beginning. Frustrated that it doesn't come more easily, that it doesn't come quickly. It is humbling and just what I need. With all the newness in my life and more coming shortly I have to learn now, on these smaller things, that everyone starts somewhere, there is always room to grow and learn. I don't have to have it all right now because yoga would say I already do.
Now, two days off and a chance to set myself up right. Turn up that harmonica please!
New beginnings. I am damn near obsessed with them in theory. A chance to start fresh, a chance to recover from old mistakes, an opportunity to make the fun ones again. Starting a new job has reminded me that there is also a lot about new beginnings that challenges who I am. I have heard time and time again that I am over responsible. It can come off as perfectionism but I am not that much of a neat freak. I just take ownership over all that I affect and my empathy immediately goes out to those whose day I could ruin if I make a simple mistake. I don't like to get things wrong especially when they come easily to others. Yesterday I was going through a process on the computer and my brain felt like sandpaper, no smooth sailing just friction and abrasion to try to get through what I was doing. It obviously showed in my face as two of my new coworkers offered kind and uplifting words. As usual telling me I was too hard on myself. I realized in that moment that I always feel like this at the beginning. Frustrated that it doesn't come more easily, that it doesn't come quickly. It is humbling and just what I need. With all the newness in my life and more coming shortly I have to learn now, on these smaller things, that everyone starts somewhere, there is always room to grow and learn. I don't have to have it all right now because yoga would say I already do.
Now, two days off and a chance to set myself up right. Turn up that harmonica please!
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