I don't mind when you only call me when you want... I'm just glad you want me at all.

Being upside down, nothing use to make me more unsettled. I started this knowing that physically this phenomenon was something true to me but the more I thought about it, the more it trickled into my mind that I didn't like my world turned on its head emotionally or abstractly either.

The turning point was handstands. Eoin Finn Loves Handstands. I do not. Did not. I was almost in tears at the thought of having to boost my butt above my head and hold my own weight on my hands. I would avoid even trying it at any cost. Eoin didn't understand this. His solution was simply to pick me up and suddenly I would be in handstand. Now it was not an instant conversion but by the end of 250 hours... I am addicted to the whole upside down thing. Today in class I was that person who two months previously I would have death glared across class. I was the kid who when the teacher asked "does anyone have any requests?" I responded with HAND STANDS!! And you know what? It was fun. It was playful in the middle of a week where playful was exactly what was necessary. My life also reflects this new theory. Sometimes you need to look at things from an angle so different from that you normally take you feel like you are on your head. This makes the routine new and exciting, life... actually living, not just going through the paces.  Long story short. I.LOVE.UPSIDE.DOWN.

On my block

I have been stressing lately. You probably noticed. Being passionate has its upsides when I am falling madly in love with a job or a boy or a sport or a boy at a job or a sport but being passionate can also get me in big trouble. I throw myself into things head first with out checking for rocks or dead heads where I am to land. I tend to get so wrapped up in these things I am passionate about that I can, especially when it comes to jobs, lose sleep, have camp-mares, ski-hill-reservation-service-mares, nylon-lyrca-mares. Yoga is my salvation. It is my balance. My litmus test of how am I doing today? It is the one thing above all else that centres me.

Tonight was no different. A delicious yin/restorative class in a warm room lead by a young man with a soothing voice. A better end to a Tuesday? I can't think of one. The theme of the class was using stillness as a way to get to know yourself. "If you are wondering why you react or deal with things the way you do" he said, "just sit here for an hour and a lot of answers will arise". I didn't need hours, I needed minutes. Not only did I discover a sensation that eased my tight hip flexors but also an idea which Curran, our instructor, allowed to permeate his class. Horizons of change or transformation. I, like many others I believe, often come to a place in class where the sensation gets to be a distraction, where it would be SO much easier to back out of a posture, rock back into child's pose and wait on the next one to arrive. I get to this place in life too where it is frustrating, I seem as if I am going nowhere, pushing against a stillness that will not move. These, Curran described, were simply a great opportunity to learn about our selves. These are our horizons of change.

Santa Monica you've got no chance

I haven’t cried for no real reason in what feels like forever. They are the kind of tears that come on without warning, like storms on the island, they come off the ocean in an instant and there is so much beauty, in the raw power of it.  I am frantic not to disappoint, steadfast in my lust to keep balance in my life, hanging by a fingernail to get one step ahead when I am just one step behind. I love it. These feelings keep the knowledge that I am living, moving forward at the forefront of my mind. And, as I rarely cry, it is a glimpse into the few moments where my eyes change colour under the glassy liquid to what I always dreamed they were.

I am standing in nothing with every single possibility ahead and while this inspires the pants off me it is also scary as. Fortunately, courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyways, at least according to John Wayne and I am pretty sure he knows a thing or two about courage. Off to ride into the sunset…

Baby baby don't you stop, up on that mountain top.

By the grace of something great another addictive album by another favourite band has fallen into my possession. Having a strong affinity to these boys, through study sessions in the library of our alma-mater, through golden summer camp days, heck even through naming my car after their lead singer, I can't get enough of their catchy-foot-tapping beats. This latest album is no disappointment. I am listening to this, some of this, and even a little bit of this. mmm, delicious!

Funny enough my crazy world is both everything to me right now and yet I find I am not attached. Committed yes. Attached no. I never really saw a distinction in these two but if the work I do is anything it is a study in language and the subtle nature of words and how they shape our world. No, I am not a writer, my day job is MUCH more tangible.  Attachment is this thing that is based in our ego (at least mine, my ego LOVES attachment). To me attachment is when something, someone or time or way that I may not even really like or be attracted to becomes something/one/way/time that I greatly fear losing because it is in someway identified as MINE and if I lose it I become less because this thing is not in my possession. Crazy eh? ( secretly, or not, this tends to be a lot of relationships I get my saucy little self into but perhaps we shall leave that for another day). Commitment on the other hand speaks to me as something that I truly value to improve my life and those of others but if lost I am still whole. Perfect, complete and whole. Back on topic, I am committed to my job these days because it is just so darned fun. I get to take risks and make decisions and improve the situation for all involved. It speaks to me.

As someone who is deeply passionate and values this passion in my life I find it very easy to get carried away. I told you that I would keep you up to date on how reading "Focal Point" was going... well so far it has told me to take 1 day off a week. I don't just mean a day off where you are not on the schedule but you check emails, take work phone calls, stop by the office "just to pick something up". NO they mean A DAY OFF. Like NO PHONE, NO EMAIL. Holy smokes. I am tempted just to try it this weekend to see if I spontaneously combust. So in blog form I solemnly commit to taking Sunday off. Yest the whole thing.

Lastly. This was the first of Their songs I fell in love with. Jay wrote it and played it to his campers the summer he worked there, by the water. This brings me back to where ever I need to go. Whenever I need to go there. This.Is. it

wont you give me something that i need... give me something to believe in

It might be shocking to hear, knowing what I did last night, that today was inspiring, inspiring just like lightning out of a clear sky. It is becoming evident that Friday is my night to let loose after my jam packed weeks. Now last night was pretty tame as Friday nights go except it is becoming increasingly clear that I can't simply pretend that my wheat allergies don't exist when it comes to a pint or two of Grasshopper. This being said I am not sure wether to chalk this rather under the weather feeling up to a true hangover or, more likely, to a vicious wheat allergy just trying to help me see the light. Either way today did not seem promising when I awoke at 8:30 this am.

Luckily enough the light was spectacular today! We don't get very many days in Calgary that seem to be veiled with such a golden mist that everything glows under the sun. The cyprus trees at the end of the alley were a noble and other worldly sight this morning.  In my less than perky way I drove off to coffee with a very dear friend. This woman is one in my life who never ceases to amaze me. Though our friendship started in a rather unlikely way it has grown to a deep connection that I share with very few. In her wisdom this morning she reminded me that THIS. IS. IT. This is it. SO easy. I know it just hit home today, hard like the a hammer on a nail head, putting one more board in place in the foundations of the future. It's funny to think that when we are complete with our past we can truly create for ourselves a future that is what we want and now in this moment this is all we have, this is it. This is the only moment, the only posture in the world, the only song, the only meal. In this moment, you and I are all that exist. Sigh, big thoughts for such a day.

Tell me if I'm going crazy but everything you said amazed me...

My Friday morning ritual includes a trip to the farmers market. On the best of days I meet up with one of the girls from work but today it was a solo mission. It was pure magic. I started, as usual, with a trip to the long line up for a Phil & Sebastian latte (my only REAL milk of the week). Now as much as the line is always rather winding and lengthy at its end are always handsome men, perfectly texturized milk, and if your as lucky as I was this morning, a beautiful heart in your coffee! The nice thing about avoiding dairy most of the time is when you have a delicious 2% milk latte it is so sweet. I took my first foamy sip and seriously considered going back to the bar to ask if they have mistakenly put sugar in it (and a little bit to have a reason to flirt with the charming baristas). The morning continued with an overwhelming array of colour and delicious smells. I bought spinach from a delightful farmer man who talked my ear off about crops and labour as I smiled, happy with the knowledge that I not only knew where my food came from but also who was lovingly bagging it and making sure it went to a good home. The one moment, above all the colour and laughter, that i wished I had captured on film was two little boys, one very very blond and the other darker, each perched on a green milk crate with another on in front as a table devouring homemade perogies and sour cream (oh, i wish i was doing the same... stupid pre-christmas slim down) while their mother rang through vegetables and organic chicken to feed the families of downtown.

Burning down the mountain, better call on the fire brigade

I am living life at full tilt these days. I am the happiest chicken running around headless or maybe more accurately the newest puppy so overwhelmed by smells and sights, I don't know what to do first, I don't know where to go the quickest. It has left me drained but oh so content.

Newly I am fully addicted to the most recent Kings of Leon album. More addicted than I had predicted. (yes, I know that rhymes). I know I can't stop writing about it but it is THE most perfect thing to listen to on these brilliant fall days. Catchy enough to sing along to, great with the windows up or down, and just melancholy enough to be fitting for this season. Sigh, I am in love, in deep.

Lastly, for my most random post yet, I spent more time in Staples today than most people would deem necessary. It is my happy place. There is nothing like new stationary to put me in a very organized, productive and blissful mood.

All in all, Great Day. Hope you all (i am utterly convinced it is not just me anymore) had one too!