my love is like lightning.

It's all about love.

Having an open heart has always been a challenge for me. I am adept at acting, talking, even sometimes thinking, like I let things all the way in, that I allow feelings, people, life to permeate my soul all the way in. In truth, I am opposite of a nut, a shell. Instead of having impenetrable walls with a gooey centre of emotion and feeling I am these things on the outside with a heart walled with thick steel. Many reach the door but few get in. This creates a lot of false perspective. I allow people to believe they connect with me, to believe I care or to wrongly believe I don't. All in the name of keeping that little steel trap of a heart closed. Closed but 'safe'. I have always craved connection with all around me and yet, because of a few little slip ups and a fear of failing I rarely let it in.

The last little while has been a siege on the fortress. I am actively practicing opening up, saying what is actually in my heart, not just what my head says I should. Now, don't get me wrong, I am marathons away from this opening on a grand scale but each time I do I let a little light in and a little light is all I need to start breaking up the blackness. I am scared. I am really scared of all the things that might not work as a result but I am more frightened on what I might miss by never letting anyone in. So today, I am going out with my camera in search of beauty and light. I am having the conversations I need to with the people I care about. I am cleaning up my messes. Today is good. Today is light.