Wednesday, December 15, 2010

hands open

Eff. That was the longest day in history. Ok maybe not but I am feeling so un-at peace right now the only thing I could think of to do was this. was write. was right?

It is coming to a point. Usually it is a simple game of what do I kind of like, what do I kind of not like? Does what I kind of like out weigh what I kind of don't like? No. Fix it. Right now it is more like, what do I deeply love doing... what do I deeply need to do? Is the first holding me back from the second? YUP. fix it?... How the heck to I do that? I am not going into details. I am just feeling so full of emotions I could burst. And I did. To the person who likes it least when I cry (in the world, and yes, he hates it more than I do) and in front people who I am not really interested in being seen by like that.

I know it comes down to I want more. I want what is important to me, not just what is a really good fit right now. Even if it is an amazing fit. I want both actually. hmmm. tell me more universe...

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