So right now I am totally distracted. I am watching a TED talk that an inspiring young lady, oh god no that sounds WAY to... much like a parent, a rad woman who I work with, sent me. A lot of people tend to pass along inspiring things to me and I am so grateful, a little flattered for some reason but perpetually shocked that people think of me when they are being so deeply moved by something. Of course, yes, I am a little narcissistic.
But... seriously. Enough about me.
So this talk. My favourite line is "So, I have a vulnerability problem". Because I, have a vulnerability problem. (shoot, ok less about me)
Brene Brown is a self proclaimed researcher story teller. She spoke to something very very dear to my heart and the path, the freaking scary hard path, that I am trying desperately to follow. She did a study to try to learn more about shame and whole heartedness and what the distinction is.
She defines shame as the fear of disconnection. Something inherently present in human beings. It is the voice in our heads telling us we aren't worthy, we aren't good enough, pretty enough, skinny, bootylicious, rich, promoted enough. We aren't... blank enough. In order to feel this connection we must be seen, really truly, deeply, seen. And excruciatingly enough. That takes being vulnerable.
Poignantly she spoke to how we, as a society numb. Being vulnerable can come with loss, pain, sadness and a whole load of emotions that are hard to feel. So we drink. We eat. We do drugs. We watch hours of mindless television to make some of this hurt less. For me, when I numb, I make a joke, push it down, cover it up with inauthenticity. But when we numb these feelings we also numb what makes us alive. We stop feeling love, joy, happiness and gratitude. Then, in our numbness we search fruitlessly for purpose and meaning.
Where she really got me was what differentiates people who live in this reality with the people who live Whole Heartedly. The only real distinguishing factor is that those who live with their whole heart have a sense of worthiness. They truly believe they are worthy of love and belonging. Now, I am lucky enough, and yes, worthy enough, to work for a company who almost hero worship a man named Brian Tracy. We listen to his Phycology of Achievement cds and the crowing moment is always the part where Brian asks his listeners to exclaim " I like my self, I like myself, I like myself." Cheesy as it sounds, nothing really gets the sense of worthiness going like a good dose of liking oneself in the morning.
To have this Whole Heartedness, Brene describes, one must have courage, compassion and connection. Courage, she defines as telling the story of who you are with your whole heart. Connection she sees as the direct result of authenticity. These three, she tells her listeners, must be fully embraced. The people who she met who lived their lives with whole heartedness fully embraced what made them vulnerable. What made them vulnerable also made them beautiful, necessary. They understood that being vulnerable meant saying I love you first, it meant doing something with no guarantees, it was a willingness to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out.
How do we get there? This all sounds pretty sweet to me but what can we do now. Brene leaves the talk with 4 points. 1) Let our selves be deeply seen, be authentic. 2) Love with our whole hearts even with no guarantee 3) To have gratitude and joy even when we are afraid 4) To believe we are enough.
I am grateful that these little touch stones keep landing in my lap. Please keep them coming.
And watch Brene's talk. Epic.
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