A creeping anxiety has filled me for the past few days. Like the roots of a tree slowly breaking through the concrete, taking it over, crumbling it to gravel.
I am frozen with fear. Fear of all the new, fear of all the what ifs.
Being a typical Cancer (born in early July, and suited to my sign), I am a nester, I don't love change, I love to cling to my loved ones, my community, all that I painstakingly brought together. I don't like to be vulnerable, this is why change takes much longer for me than might otherwise be necessary. The odd thing about me, at least in an astrological sense, is that I crave adventure, I am addicted to travel and journeys in any capacity. I am incredibly futuristic and I enjoy being out of my comfort zone. But not all at once. I love temporary change, I adore moving on, moving forward when it only involves a sliver of my life, in the safety of knowing that everything else is there to catch me when I fall.
Right now it is all at once. The possibilities of school, (or not), of a new career (which one!!!), (or not !!!), a new city, leaving behind an old and well loved and cultivated one. I am gripped with the fear of making the wrong choices at the wrong times. Of losing and never gaining.
All I can think of to do is stop, be still, practice yoga, read, all the time. To spend time with those I can not let go of, to visit old and dear haunts. I am taking a stab at just being at peace with the process. The process that it is so clear, the process that must be happening for a reason. Even if that reason is just to help me along in all the changes that have needed to happen for so long.
In the sprit of all these things, here's an oldie and a goodie.
I am frozen with fear. Fear of all the new, fear of all the what ifs.
Being a typical Cancer (born in early July, and suited to my sign), I am a nester, I don't love change, I love to cling to my loved ones, my community, all that I painstakingly brought together. I don't like to be vulnerable, this is why change takes much longer for me than might otherwise be necessary. The odd thing about me, at least in an astrological sense, is that I crave adventure, I am addicted to travel and journeys in any capacity. I am incredibly futuristic and I enjoy being out of my comfort zone. But not all at once. I love temporary change, I adore moving on, moving forward when it only involves a sliver of my life, in the safety of knowing that everything else is there to catch me when I fall.
Right now it is all at once. The possibilities of school, (or not), of a new career (which one!!!), (or not !!!), a new city, leaving behind an old and well loved and cultivated one. I am gripped with the fear of making the wrong choices at the wrong times. Of losing and never gaining.
All I can think of to do is stop, be still, practice yoga, read, all the time. To spend time with those I can not let go of, to visit old and dear haunts. I am taking a stab at just being at peace with the process. The process that it is so clear, the process that must be happening for a reason. Even if that reason is just to help me along in all the changes that have needed to happen for so long.
In the sprit of all these things, here's an oldie and a goodie.
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