Rolling in the deep.

The weight of a good piece of art resting over my heart on my chest is like nothing else. It is comforting in the history and meaning behind it and brings a sparkle to my eye when I catch it in the mirror. I received just such a piece this weekend from a very dear and long held friend. You see, I have a tiny tiny tattoo on the back of my neck. After living many years away from the ocean and the Rockies I placed them in ink on my own body – 2 mountains over a single wave. The gift, a silver pendant, was just this form. I was so blown away at receiving such a thoughtful gift that I was at a loss for words. Could you imagine?! Feeling it resting on my breast bone reminds me of the strength and stability of the mountains I hold so dear and the power in vulnerability of the ocean. What else could a girl ask for?

The two of us spent the afternoon enjoying the Alberta College of Art and Design show and sale. To be surrounded by such a vibrant plethora of works was like honey for my soul. Sweet and nurturing. In a city where sometimes I find that money and oil precedes and crushes all else it was comforting and inspiring to be in a place, with so many people, who saw things more along the same lines that I do.  I was saturated with colour, texture, new ideas. Life.

We were just about to leave when one of the alumni relations committee asked me if I was an artist. I stammered out something along the lines of ‘not really, I play photography…’ My dear friend stopped me. You are an artist. I am an artist.

This affirmation shocked me in the feelings that arose. I was moved by the idea that my art was impactful enough that it could define me as a person. This came with a few others that afternoon. Listening to my dear friend speak highly of my writing, the images I produced, an eye for design brought life to a dullness that has settled over me as of late.

Living alone in a time of transition has been challenging for me. It is easy to over think and to spend too much time in solitude. I went out for dinner with 2 close friends from university this evening and this idea came up. There are times, especially in our young lives, where everything feels just right. We have a great job, a wonderful love, a strong plan for the future. Then there are the times between. Without Floor. Without Ceiling. A future as blurry as looking through glasses fogged by breath in a cold Calgary winter. No partner in crime. No source of income that inspires us, that motivates us. This is where I stand without definition. Too many forked roads too far out. Fortunately this is what shapes us. When things are not just right we are forced to examine what serves us and let that which does not fall away. Our relationships go under the micro-scope and those that are truly important, those who truly love us rise to clarity at the top and those that are not sink away. In time, I know I will look back on this post (I always do) and this time with a smile. I know what lies ahead will indeed be great. It is just too small on the horizon to make out quite yet. Makes riding off into the sunset all the more appealing.